As you navigate the stormy weather that is bad mental health, it is hard to see beyond the dark clouds. You may be like me, desperately trying to find the right support and just not getting anywhere, you might be reading this thinking and worrying about a loved one. You may even be reading this, smiling on the outside and falling apart on the inside.
The 3 things that led up to my "AHA" moment, changed my life and started me on a journey of finally finding peace again.
The first, I owned, and I spoke my truth. I started to talk about the events that led to my PTSD, I owned my trauma, I stood in front of the dragon, and I stared at it in the eyes and I did not flinch. I spoke my truth and no matter what and suddenly it was just a little bit easier to breathe.
The second, I forgave myself. I forgave myself for not asking for support and help sooner, I forgave myself for allowing someone to dim my light. I forgave myself for the guilt, the blame and the hate I sent to myself. I started to use all those emotions to understand, to look at every part of me and slowly learn what I needed to make that piece whole again
The third thing, I allowed myself to mourn, I allowed myself to hate, love, cry, pity, sit in confused trauma bonding. I allowed myself the freedom to question everything. I started to document it every day. I wrote letters to my perpetrators, I wrote letters to the other victims, I wrote questions down, so I could process and work out the answers.
By doing all of these processes, my "AHA" moment came when all of a sudden, I woke up and I felt lighter, I felt peaceful, I realised I had not had to control a panic attack or felt the tears sting my eyes for a while.
If you are struggling please get in touch