The Narcissist and Their Lovers.

I am a person that loved a narcissist, I loved her so much I forgot who I was.

The problem of the narcissist and their love


If you are lucky to be reading this and have never encountered a narcissist in life then count yourself lucky. I like many people out in the world of love, dating, and just living will never forget my first encounter with a narcissist.

But what if we all have some narcissistic traits? When do those behaviors transcend from just a personality trait to an abusive pattern?


The correct terminology of “Narcissistic Behavior” actually falls nicely into the personality disorder category. However, like the autistic spectrum, I don’t believe that it can be defined by one cluster of symptoms.


So what are the traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder? According to Rethink it is a cluster B personality disorder, where the person has a high sense of self-importance. They fantasize about unlimited success and want attention and admiration. They may feel they are more entitled to succeed over others and are unwilling or unable to acknowledge the feelings or needs of others.

So when I read the above I did for a second think, that just sounds like the people that we used to call “Self Centered” or “Arrogant” which is why I started this post with the question; if we can all have some narcissistic traits; when does it flip to being something that we should be worried about?


Like with a lot of things that are linked to mental health whether good or bad it can be difficult to judge. In my case, I believed that I could see a different person hidden behind these behaviors and I knew that deep down this person’s soul wasn’t all black and self-obsessed.

I did, like a lot of people of an emphatic nature paid the price because when you break it down to the bones of it all, that person made a choice to let themselves become that way.


Yes, they had a choice, now before you start to straighten that back and crack those keyboard warrior fingers let me explain.


There are various things that can cause any and all types of illnesses. Mental Health Illness is not different. You can not campaign for people to see bad mental health as an “Illness” if you decide in what capacity it is acknowledged.


For example, I use the terminology if someone had a life-changing injury or illness you wouldn’t just tell them to get on with it. What you are more likely to do is to support and encourage that person to learn the skills that they need to still have a happy fulfilled life.

Why is mental health any different?


Why are we allowing people to use bad mental health as an excuse to behave badly and expect to not be told that it is not acceptable?


We should be encouraging and supporting that person to learn of constructive, positive, and non-harmful ways to engage with people and live a happy balanced life.

This is where my statement of choice comes in;

  1. It is a choice not to learn better life skills;

  2. It is a choice to use bad mental health as an excuse;

  3. It is a choice to ignore the pink elephant that is looming and pretend everything is fine.

  4. It is a choice to watch your friend or family member exhibit these traits and not encourage them to get the help they need

  5. It is a choice to cover up your colleague’s actions

I make the choice to understand and manage my mental health every single day. I do not use my trauma as an excuse, I use it as the fire I need to have the life I always wanted.

I am a person that loved a narcissist, I loved her so much I forgot who I was.

I loved her so much I believed every put-down, every indiscretion as being my fault. Because she made me believe that it was.

I am a person that loved a narcissist and know that I am not the person I was when I left.

I am everything I ever wanted and more, and I really don’t care what she thinks of me because she has no power over me anymore.

I am a person that loved a narcissist but doesn’t hate her. I hope that one day she will learn the life skills she needs to be a better partner, friend, and person.

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